Loneliness hurts. A great deal more than we think.
In one of his excellent YouTube video messages, author and psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg (The Human Magnet Syndrome) gives a very valuable insight into the condition of feeling lonely within (and without) the narcissist regime… and it could have serious consequences. He describes the effect of separating from a narcissist as pathological loneliness, and likens it to a drug user going cold turkey. And he is not wrong.
Loneliness, from a narcissistic viewpoint hurts. A lot. But why?
Think about it. As a codependent in a lopsided relationship, you’re used to catering to the whims and needs of your narcissist.. So, in this context, what then, is loneliness? Loneliness is what happens when there is no one to save.
Once again, loneliness is what happens when there is no one to save.
Why are we rescuing other people anyway? The answer is to deny and smooth away the excruciating soul pain of the true self. Loneliness then can be seen as the act of failing (and falling).
There is another side to it, however. What happens when (as JH Simon says) we allow ourselves to fall/fail? The codependent has no one to impress, no one to jump through hoops for, no one to please! They are left with themselves. And just like that, we have uncovered the key to our freedom.
What’s left when there’s no one to fix? Yourself. Your pain filled, shame soaked, flawed, perfect, imperfect wonderful self. All hidden away, just waiting to be uncovered. And that is precisely where the healing starts…