(Image: Ukkasyah Quwwatulha)
The experience of healing from narcissist abuse is exhausting. The metaphor of climbing out of a deep pit couldn’t have been better said. Life gave me such a handicap, it may as well been the pit from hell. Whereas some people start off with certain advantages, most of us can clearly point to their family and feel a certain sense of warmth and camaraderie. In the narcissist family, this feeling is replaced with fear, shame and suspicion. Of ourselves. Of each other. Being appointed the family scapegoat, all the shame runs down to you, with none of the redemption. In other words, you are firmly in the bear pit of hell.
I’ve lost a lot of time, time I’ll never get back, to do the normal things in life…
The scapegoat also realises that, socially he is so far behind everybody else, due to his infantilisation. Things like falling in love with a woman, starting a family, having a great career, all the outwardly signs of success that other people have, and quite easily obtain… All out of reach for the targets of narcissism. Even if we’re did get some of it, it was at a discounted price, a bargain basement version that every other sane person baulked at.
If life was a 100m race, the Chosen Ones would be in the boxes watching and laughing at the idiots below, thinking how could they so stupid? The others start at the sound of the gun. Those with experiences of narcissism are told to start further back… Outside the stadium… On the street. With a ball and chain strapped to their leg.
I feel frustrated at finding out all of this narcissism bullshit in my mid-30s and having to learn how to be « normal ». I suppose it’s the same for the narcissist, but as much as I try to catch up with the rest of society, I know I’ve already lost a lot of time, time I’ll never get back, to do the normal things (have kids, get dumped, get fired, but and sell a house, have normal friends…). Is it a blessing in disguise? Maybe, but there’s nothing sadder than a single man learning to enjoy the part of his life that should have ended at age 25.
It’s not fair!!!!
Glynis Sherwood – Outrunning The Shadow Of The Narcissist