Forgiveness. Hard as hell to do and to contemplate.
Why in the hell should I forgive the years and years of being denigrated, abused and attacked, scapegoated, mocked, humiliated, stuffed into a corner, treated like dog shit and made to feel less than?
Simply, it wasn’t my fault. Period.
Treating another person like that is a sign of a mental disorder. I didn’t choose to have these gutter trash as parents. I, sure as shit didn’t deserve this treatment, even during the worst of it. So why should i hang on the hate and anger that was put into me by them?
I don’t want to hang on to their seeds of evil.
But, forgiveness? Isn’t that like condoning what they did? Does it mean that I was at fault, and they as human beings will see what they did and decide to change their destructive ways?
You forgive the burglar, but you don’t keep your front door open.
Bad behaviour is still bad behaviour. Boundaries must remain. Toxic shame and guilt clearance must continue. Separating pyschologically is still your goal. Forgiveness is the last step.
But they are bad, evil people that should never have taken advantage of young children. Yep, absolutely. Forgive them anyway. Narcissists are cursed and live in their own hell of shame, self hate and manipulation.
As Negro Wars’ author Babatunde Umanah states, forgiveness is designed to break the spiritual ties to your narcissist parent. It breaks the chains of bondage, at least from your half. Narcissists will never admit to any wrongdoing, so the wise thing to do is to forgive yourself.
It’s hard, I know. But you deserve to be free. Save yourself.