On forgiveness

Forgiveness. Hard as hell to do and to contemplate.

Why in the hell should I forgive the years and years of being denigrated, abused and attacked, scapegoated, mocked, humiliated, stuffed into a corner, treated like dog shit and made to feel less than?

Simply, it wasn’t my fault. Period.

Treating another person like that is a sign of a mental disorder. I didn’t choose to have these gutter trash as parents. I, sure as shit didn’t deserve this treatment, even during the worst of it. So why should i hang on the hate and anger that was put into me by them?

I don’t want to hang on to their seeds of evil.

But, forgiveness? Isn’t that like condoning what they did? Does it mean that I was at fault, and they as human beings will see what they did and decide to change their destructive ways?

Nope.

You forgive the burglar, but you don’t keep your front door open.

Bad behaviour is still bad behaviour. Boundaries must remain. Toxic shame and guilt clearance must continue. Separating pyschologically is still your goal. Forgiveness is the last step.

But they are bad, evil people that should never have taken advantage of young children. Yep, absolutely. Forgive them anyway. Narcissists are cursed and live in their own hell of shame, self hate and manipulation.

As Negro Wars’ author Babatunde Umanah states, forgiveness is designed to break the spiritual ties to your narcissist parent. It breaks the chains of bondage, at least from your half. Narcissists will never admit to any wrongdoing, so the wise thing to do is to forgive yourself.

It’s hard, I know. But you deserve to be free. Save yourself.

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2 réflexions sur “On forgiveness

  1. Keep up the good work, I know these writings are profiting somebody out there who’s having to deal or dealt with the same issues. A lot of people make the mistake of believing that forgiveness equates to putting down one’s guard against the individuals that harmed them, however nothing could be further from the truth. The perpetrators if they remain unrepentant are still scum and must be treated as such.

    Aimé par 1 personne

    1. Verbs,

      Much obliged sir, and yes, forgiveness is an extremely tough nut to crack when it concerns the same people who God tasked to look after you, and looked up to them in order to meet them as a healthy, functioning adult. Excusing, rationalising and minimalising their behaviour are also roadblocks to forgiveness.

      The two things to remember are:
      1) you didn’t ask for the abuse and
      2) it wasn’t you fault.

      Once these truths are in place, forgiveness can proceed, starting with the self!

      Aimé par 1 personne

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