When the haters are family…

Yep, not all of your haters are random folk passing by in the course of your life, but the ones in your very midst.

So, what to do when your haters are family?

Chances are if youte the scapegoat, they already are hating on you big time. But extended family? Yep

See, the narcissist family members, led by thr narcissist mother triangulates (meaning to turn one member against another) indirectly by slander, and usually when they are not present. so the target of the slander is unaware of it. Eventually the pther family members see the target in the way the narcissist wants them to seen them – a worthless, pile of crap.

Extended family members can also play the role of flying monkey, a recruiter designed to send the narcissist’s poison via proxy. It could be a mesage containing the narcissist’s favourite tactics (fear, obligation and guilt) or they are genuinely naïve enough to be helping the target, even though they are actually enabling the abuse.

Family as haters isnt exclusive to narcissistic families, but they tend to be highly emotionally abusive. You dont need that kind of global gaslighting in your life.

Yes, you share DNA, culture and history. But your future is yours alone. The saddest thing is family should be a kind and supportive environment, yet flesh and blood can and will turn on each other.

The thing that has helped me in my life is close friends. Substitute family, often dont come from blood but are closer to you than any biological family can ever be. Another option is starting your own family from scratch – with the warning that you MUST heal your own past through therapy and vow to treat your children differently.

Failing those two options – volunteering, looking after vulnerable children or seniors, pets or meditation.

Haters gonna hate – and it hurts when family are doing the hating. But you dont have to hate yourself. In fact, the amount that they hate you, is the amount you must love yourself.

5 réflexions sur “When the haters are family…

  1. Toxic family members can be the worst, they must be cut off or if that isn’t possible interacted with as little as is humanly possible. I honestly don’t understand people who see other folks doing well and want to bring them down for it or just the spite of wanting to see successful individuals fail. There are some very nasty people living on this planet and sadly some of them are blood related.

    Aimé par 2 personnes

    1. Verbs,

      Family can be difficult to navigate at the best of times, but the ones sabotaging their children’s future in the full knowledge that they will struggle are evil– sorry I cannot find another word for it.

      Society is full of « poppy loppers », the main reason being success shines an uncomfortable light on those who have chosen the safe route in life. From random members, ok, but from family…?

      Aimé par 2 personnes

      1. Michel.
        I can totally relate to this because I had family members who I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with. Those toxic family members I just cut off and I will never see them again.

        Aimé par 1 personne

  2. Yup. My family is like that. First off my scumbag older brother is my biggest enemy but his life is a pathetic emotional wreck and he likes to try to commit suicide at the drop of a hat. So that’s one enemy conquered by his own self. He can die for all I care.
    Next my whore mother. She has failed to destroy me and she’s got a few years left. Another enemy conquered.
    She is trying to turn my younger brother against me and it is working.
    Ah well. All that does is save me time and especially money. No way I am helping enemies. They’re on their own.

    Aimé par 1 personne

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