Glossary

Narcissist: a person divorced from their real self, through childhood trauma and arrested development, which as a means of primal survival, attempts to avoid dealing with their toxic shame by manipulating their environment. A narcissist feeds off the reactions of others by violating other people’s boundaries, via emotional and physical means. A narcissist feels no empathy, nor shame, for it reminds them of their real self.

Narcissist mother: a hard fisted, cruel, emotionally cold, empathy-free, domineering, difficult, manipulative and shameless human being, that goes on to have children in her own image. One person will fulfill all her needs to be adored (the golden child), the others are simply ignored, neglected and abused (the scapegoats and lost children).

Enabling father: the poor soul that married the Narcissist Mother. The domineering woman has emasculated, torn strips off the man’s self esteem and as a result is docile enough to turn a blind eye to the abuse by the narcissist. Sometimes the enabling father participates in the abuse, in order to prove to the woman his masculinity, unwittingly carrying forward the abuse of the child. The enabling father dulls his pain by excessive drinking, drugs, sex or working long hours in order to dissociate from his situation.

Golden child: the apex of the narcissist mother’s creation. They are adored and are given the best material and emotional treatment (even though it is abusive) in exchange for the child’s soul. The golden child can do no wrong, will readily side with the narcissist mother in her evil deeds and will have a tough time detaching from her. A Golden child will be often turn to the scapegoat to unleash their anger and frustration on.

Scapegoat: the ire of the narcissist mother. The child that fell short in the glory of hey creation. Because the scapegoat is chosen for their empathic qualities, brainwashing is especially effective in breaking down their identity and reshaping it in the image of the narcissist’s shadow. The scapegoat can do no right, all achievements are ignored and discounted. The narcissist regime turns to the scapegoat to unleash their collective rage and frustration. Scapegoats are isolated, abused and smeared within the family, so they have no one to lean on in their recovery.

Toxic shame: the crushing, soul destroying, heavy feeling that comes from multiple instances of being criticised, mocked, insulted, beaten and made to feel “less than”. Toxic shame can be cured, but it requires attention to the source, attachment/post traumatic trauma.

Fear of rejection: pangs of emotional pain as a result of attachment trauma (conditional love from a narcissist parent). Also gives rise to codependency as the fear of rejection prevents a person from living contently by themselves.

Complex PTSD: the result of an insecure parental attachment. Narcissist parents have s lack of empathy that can leave a child longing for acceptance, receiving it as a condition of behaviour approved by the controlling narcissist. Physical abuse may contribute to complex PTSD.

Nice Guy: a nice guy is the product of an abusive household led by a domineering mother. Nice guys are people pleasers, and find validation in anticipating the needs of others. Often resentments arise when the deeds to gain approval go unappreciated. A Nice guy may have a mother complex. The way out for Nice Guys is to cleanse themselves of toxic shame and approve of themselves.

Narcissist regime: the structure of a narcissist system. Families, romantic relationships or workplaces are breeding grounds for narcissism to take place. The person at the head of the regime, is usually a malignant narcissist.

Target: the victims of narcissistic abuse. Usually empathic children who, due to their vulnerability have little personal boundaries and can absorb the emotions of others. Adult targets carry their lack of childhood boundaries into toxic and abusive relationships, workplaces and friendships, making them easy targets for narcissists.

Codependency: the act of emotionally attaching to another in an excessive manner. The term may be alternatively called Self Love Deficit Disorder by therapist Ross Rosenberg to highlight the core issue within the psychological problem. Childhood trauma caused by unloving and non-empathic narcissistic parents causes codependency. Ultimately it’s a failure to confront oneself, because of the presence of toxic shame. Beyond codependency is the Real Self.

Real Self: your genuine, true self, the one that was denied with the onslaught of narcissistic abuse. The target of abuse forgoes their real self as a childhood coping mechanism, in order to get their immediate needs for food, clothing and shelter to be met. The false self is the personality that enables the child to get his needs met through anticipating the narcissists moods (see people pleaser)

People pleaser: a person who attempts to get their needs met in indirect ways. Often trained by a narcissist in childhood, people pleasers fear rejection by their partners, work colleagues and other people. Nice Guys are chronic people pleasers.

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